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Російська
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Англійська
Особый резон
A Distinct Reason
By glowering twisted lips
Moles having rubbed their eyelids
Now see the plantlet's dissent
Across the short-sighted eyes
No more believing in cries
Moves the conveyor of sand
Until the hand halts its tremble
The knuckles shake at a temple
And calls the angled thick plank
And I am at the peep-hole
Under the thumb of plafond
Either1 it was an egg first
Or it had been a bad curse
My face is turning towards
A nightmare boggled the dream
A newborn mason–I sing
Right in unison with him
The flying wind's rudely scorched
The far rocks' tops it approached
And here it's stroking the lawn
There's a distinct reason shown
Watched by the Special Bureau
That's just what prison is for
There's a distinct reason for
The escort trickled through the flaws
Will seal the windows with straw
Then to the slaughter we'll go
A hero will cross himself 2
The open order will step
Ahead guys, into the breach!
Then will go west the foe troops
Who did not put on high boots
Who did not part with themselves
Who have not yet killed themselves
And to the slaughter they'll go
Watched by the Special Bureau
That's just what prison is for
There's a distinct reason for
Song details
Translation details
Give a shoutout to Brat
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Having browsed through my old drafts I decided to simplify my translation a little bit, though no great amendments were made.
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Yanka Dyagileva TOP 3
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У меня просто нет слов, отличнейший перевод! Браво!
Looks like our uncommon friend has decided to become a tad more common... :D
Of course, the translation is a bit snippety, but such is the original itself. I'll add some footnotes and also try to tweak some phrases so that they would sound more natural.
Имущественные авторские права на все произведения Янки в настоящее время принадлежат её подруге Анне Волковой. https://ru.wikipedia.org/wiki/%D0%94%D1%8F%D0%B3%D0%B8%D0%BB%D0%B5%D0%B2...
Ну разве что Нюрыч теперь является европейской компанией, но это навряд ли...
There are several videos on YouTube, which one do you mean?
Продано -> album name (Manchester Files)->publisher's name 1996 год-> year of publishing
I don't see any (C)opyright for lyrics. ;)
Ну вот и разобрались. Альбом назван "в честь" одноимённой песни.
42 останется 42, нас шнурками для bro не запугать :D
Да, кстати, буквально недавно в России вышла новая книга Янкиных стихов (некоторые из которых публикуются впервые), так что европейский копирайт нам пока не грозит. :)
I'm assuming you're trying to do a rhyming translation, so just a few suggestions to help keep the cadence and rhyme:
By the MALIGNED twisted lips
MOLES WHO RUB their (BLIND) EYES' lids. (You have to add "eye" to lid, otherwise it's a lid of a jar or something).
(What is a "plantlet"?)
("Misstep" is generally used when your feet make a mistake and you trip. "Mistake" is better here.)
Creeps the DUNE ACROSS THE sand
Until remembers the hand >> (Makes no sense.)
And summons the BEVELLED plank
(What is a "plafond"?)
Either it was THE egg first
Or HAD IT been a bad curse?
A nightmare boggled IN the dream
A newborn mason, so (????), >>> ("prim" is wrong. It means nothing. "prim and proper" is the only way we use this word now.)
A VIOLENT WIND rudely scorched
And here it's HITTING the lawn
THE CONTROL OF THE Special Bureau
That's what the Supermax IS for
The escort trickled through the flaws >>> (Makes no sense)
WE'LL seal the windows WITH straw
The hero will FOOL himself >>> (I assume you mean "to double cross". It's not possible "to cross" yourself. That means "to meet".)
The open order will step AHEAD
guys, into the breach!
GOING west, the FOE'S troops
Who DIDN'T put on THEIR high boots
Who did not part with themselves >>> (Makes no sense. You cannot "leave yourself". It's impossible.)
Controlled by THE Special Bureau
Фил пришел наводить ужас на всю округу!
Well, if it's a "conveyor" it makes even less sense. Conveyors transport things but they don't move. So a conveyor cannot "creep".
As for all of these special words that Russians find somewhere (perhaps in one of Shakespeare's plays), I can only say that perhaps these are real English words. However, IMHO the purpose of a translation is to be understood. "Finding" obscure, obsolete words in some dusty dictionary doesn't aid in understanding at all, especially if it's a British dictionary, which they NEVER revise and/or mark words as "no longer used", like American dictionaries do. British dictionaries just keep adding words, never eliminate any, even though the language changed.
You can still find British verb dictionaries that will tell you to conjugate " I & we" with "should" and "shall" rather than "would" and "will", even though this has gone obsolete more than 100 years ago.
Not meaning to harp on this, but these words (even if they once existed) are so uncommon today that I doubt than 90+% of people in the USA would have any idea as to what they mean. The word VOLANT, for example, must come from French ("to fly"). But, it's still uncommon. Perhaps the British will know what it means, after all they are close to France. However, we Americans are sooooo far away from Europe that some of these British foreign adoptions into their version of English have never crossed the Atlantic ocean and made it to us.
OK. I understand. So if the translator wishes to use "conveyor" he must identify "what" the conveyor is moving. Many times Russians instinctively understand the object in the sentence, although it is not said. Unless it is universally understood, Russians MUST identify the object to foreigners (whose culture may not understand the missing object). In this case to say.
"The conveyor creeps across the sand" makes no sense.
Perhaps the Russian missing object is some people?!
Then it should be "The conveyor creeps (the people) across the sand."
However Brat wishes to correct this is his decision, but this line NEEDS correcting!
As for VOLANT, I would like to point out that up to this point there is NO reference to birds or wings or anything like that, so it's a huge leap to expect that English speakers are going to understand this obscure term. I agree that you can use exotic terms, once a theme is set.
Ex: I fly as if on wings of the phoenix, volant to netherworlds unknown.
I just made that up. But, the reader would obviously understand the obscure term within the context of the rest of the sentence. To talk about enemies and foes and the Secret Service, then to reference a French term for "flight" does not make for clear understanding.
As for "prim". He's a prim and proper gentleman. This is the ONLY way I have EVER heard it used. I myself, would NEVER use the word PRIM. Quite frankly, when someone says "prim and proper" is really just means "proper" and the word "prim" has no additional meaning, other than to add stress. It's redundant. It's like saying "I'm angry and mad." But, unlike "prim", both "angry" and "mad" are still in wide use today.
Well, it took me a while to find the very first draft but that was worth it.
I made up a much more simplified version having got rid of some literal meanings and complicated tropes.
I don't dare proceed with further simplification, though...
Well, I don't know how this corresponds to the site rules... I'd browse the code to find this out and then maybe...