Higuchi Ai

備忘録

Higuchi Ai
English translation icon 2 translations icon 2
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Album:
百六十度
Original lyrics
Japanese
Translation
English

備忘録

中学二年生の頃、変わったね、と言われて
いじめられてからもう10年以上経ちますが
事故だと言い張れない傷に今も
悩まされています
人に嫌われない術を身につけたかわりに
自分のことを嫌いになって
押し殺した感情腐らせても
捨てる場所はないのです
果てにたどり着いた処理場が「うた」でした
 
ちやほやされてできたものは19で消えた
身体切り刻んでできたものは今も宝石
天邪鬼でも高飛車でも好きになってくれた人
どうかどうか忘れないで
 
25になったら地元に帰ると言ったけど
帰るような勇気はありません
評論家 会社員 に並ぶような冠名の前に
自称とつく可能性の高さ
憧れは「pink」で描かれていた東京
染まれたら楽になれたでしょうか
「終電逃してタクシー」「有名人に会いました」
いつだって蚊帳の外 貯金なし恋人なし
なのになぜかどこか安定しています
 
ちやほやされてできたものにすがっている
超えていくと誓ったものに近付けている
なりたかった自分になれたくせに
嫌いになった
矛盾だけが 風を吹かせます
 
人生かけて愛した人がいました
裏切られてもなお愛していました
鉛筆で書いた文字を指でこするように
誤魔化し諦める方法を覚えていました
いつかのわたしが今のわたしを見たら
なんて言うでしょうか?
大人だって言うでしょうか?
好きになってくれた人しか
好きになれないのは
自分のこと好きになれないから
 
誰かと生きることを生きる意味にしてたんだ
理由つけてあきらめて自分騙してたんだ
なにも始めてない
なにもやり遂げてないよな
1人になって気付く
孤独と夢はいつも共にあった
 
ちやほやされてできたものは19で消えた
身体切り刻んでできたものは今も宝石
天邪鬼でも高飛車でも愛してくれた人
どうか元気でいてほしい
 
愛していたやりたかった居たかった
欲しかった待っていた夢だった
もう全部捨てた
全てを捨てたつもりで全てのおかげさま
背負わずとも背中を押す無数の手のひら
どうか自分よ 忘れるな
どうか自分よ 忘れるな
 

Memorandum

I was bullied when I was a 2nd year junior high school student, being told that I was a weirdo
It's already been more than 10 years since then
But even now, the bruises and scratches continue to torment me
Wounds I can't claim to have happened by accident
In exchange for learning how to get others to like me
I've come to hate myself
Even if concealing my feelings will make them wither away
It's not like there's a place where I can just dump them out
In the end, I've arrived at the disposal facility called "poetry"
 
By the age of 19, those who spoiled me when I was growing up had gone away
Even now, I value those who would tear me apart as I would precious stones
To those who grew fond of me: even though you were perverse and overbearing
Please, if you will, don't forget about me
 
I said I'd come back home when I turned 25
But I just don't have the courage to go back
The height of my self-proclaimed potential
Is a name no better than that of a commentator or an office worker
I yearned for a Tokyo that was painted pink
If it were possible for it do be dyed that color, would I have found relief?
"I missed the last train, so I had to take a taxi" "I met a famous person"
Living paycheck to paycheck and without a lover, I'm always excluded
But even so, by some miracle, I've found stability in some respects
 
I'm still clinging to those who spoiled me when I was growing up
Getting closer and closer to those I vowed to surpass
Though I've managed to become the person I wanted to be
I've come to hate that too
These contradictions alone are enough to plague my mind
 
There were people I loved whom I trusted with my life
Even when they betrayed me, I still loved them
I've remembered the way I used to resign myself to deception
As if hoping to erase letters written in pencil by rubbing them with my fingers
If the me of the future saw the current me
What do you think she'd say?
Would she say "we sure have grown"?
The reason why I can only come to like
Those who have come to like me
Is because I just can't come to like myself
 
Living together with someone else is what gave meaning to my own life
I deceived myself, giving myself reasons why I should just give up
I haven't started anything on my own
I haven't even accomplished anything, have I?
I realize that I've been left all alone
Loneliness and longing have always come hand in hand
 
By the age of 19, those who spoiled me when I was growing up had gone away
Even now, I value those who would tear me apart as I would precious stones
To those who grew fond of me: even though you were perverse and overbearing
Please, I want you to be well
 
Falling in love, wanting to get by, wanting to stay, yearning for things, waiting for others
These were all nothing but dreams
I've already thrown them away, or at least, I believe I did
Thanks to everything that's happened, even though it's all gone
Countless hands press against my back, urging me forward
Please, me of the future1, don't forget me!
Please, me of the future, don't forget me!
 
  • 1. As she refers to herself in the 3rd person here and 3 verses earlier, this song appears to be a memorandum from the singer to her future self.
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You may use this translation as you please, as long as you give proper credit :3

atsushiken atsushiken
submitted on 7 Jul 2021 - 01:05
Give a shoutout to atsushiken

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